I’m fucking done. When I try to choose myself, god says nope. Not today.
The origin of the Carlton Dance.
I may have overestimated my feelings. I don’t know what it is, but there is something so beautiful in being in alone and being comfortable in believing in yourself confidently. I have such a huge vision for myself that I’m struggling with what’s in front of me and I feel like I’m losing myself.
My heart kind of starts beating in my ears when I hear your name or when I see you. I can’t tell if it’s a bad thing or a good thing, but I can’t escape. I haven’t been able to for years.
Vent sesh.
Before when I was working at Disney as a regular cast member, my goals were to become a Lead, Guest Relations CM, Ambassador of Disney, or move into their corporate offices. I was so happy, so excited and so hungry for a bright future.
After my promotion to a Lead, all I want to do is leave. My new goal is to get out of this costume and get my life back. I don’t have any other priorities other than leaving, all I do is work, I have no time for myself, school or any of my friends. I’m constantly sick and without a doubt tired. No matter how much I tell my managers I need a break, they turn their back and schedule me against my preferences. On top of that, the lead team calls out and since i’m working there 5 days a week, me and few others hit the brunt of it and work twice as hard.
It’s almost impressive how easily i can cry nowadays. It’s my last semester with an internship, and practically working full time. I have 19 hour days, 5 days a week. Every day I get up at 7am after coming home at 4am the night before. I don’t know if it’s my pride or me being scared of being out of job, but if I don’t leave soon, i’m going to spontaneously combust. Into flames.
Thanks life, you’ve killed my spirit and more.
If you guys love film and want an opportunity to work for the Newport Beach Film Festival, then sign up to be part of the team and volunteer with us! It’s honestly going to be so amazing because you get to work with directors and actors and types of wonderful people. It would also be a great networking opportunity for all you cool kids trying to get into the film/entertainment industry. So if you have any questions, let me know!
Work is sending me into a mad mad depression.
I love you.. even if times get harder and harder.
ruinedchildhood
